I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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