He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
