i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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