Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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