its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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