So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
