Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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