If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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