I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
