No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
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He felt like a one man threesome
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize