Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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