Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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