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Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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