My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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