You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
