She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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