I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
