threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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