the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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