so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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