Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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