Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
