he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
