Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
