I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
