When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
