I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize