Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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