Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
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