At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
organizing the empties. That sober.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
