I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
