I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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