Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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