Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
