I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Say something about gay babies.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
