Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
