I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
