we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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