it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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