I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize