I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
