she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
