Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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