party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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