Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
