Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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