Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
