He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just high enough for therapy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
