somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
