If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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