6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's always time for handjobs
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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