At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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