i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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