You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
