I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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