we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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