the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Less talking, more tequila
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
