Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
