Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
