I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
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are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
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I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was