Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.