he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?