It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
as a side note pls kill me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.