We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked