life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
