okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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