It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
