I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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