She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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