The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
